If you know me or have known me for long you know that I struggle with depression and suicidality. You know that I have my whole life. If you don’t know me you are about to hear a little about my struggle with with the demon they call depression and learn more about depression as a mental health dissorder and the difference between occasional depression we all feel as human beings and depression as a serious condition or mental health disorder. We will talk a little bit about what we can do to recognize the signs of depression in yourself and others and how to get help hopefully before its too late.
Personally I don’t think we talk about this subject enough. We as human beings are mostly water and water always follows the path of least resistance. We avoid uncomfortable conversations and talking about depression especially suicide and suicidality and the root causes of it feel like swimming upstream to us. Its not easy but we need to discuss it more and raise more awareness about it because roughly 49,000+ Americans dying by suicide annually (approx. one every 11 minutes).
Key Statistics and Trends
Method: Firearms are the most common method, accounting for 55.36% of suicide deaths in 2023.
Death Toll: In 2023, 49,316 Americans died by suicide, with an estimated 1.5 million attempts.
Leading Cause: Suicide is the second leading cause of death for individuals aged 10-34.
Gender Disparity: Males are four times more likely to die by suicide than females, accounting for nearly 40,000 male deaths in 2022.
High-Risk Groups: Non-Hispanic American Indian/Alaska Native and non-Hispanic White people have the highest suicide rates. Veterans and individuals in rural areas also face higher risks.
https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/disparities/index.html
https://www.withhopefoundation.org/suicide-facts
Warning Signs and Prevention
- Warning Signs: Individuals may show warning signs like talking about death or feeling hopeless, withdrawing from friends/family, or displaying extreme mood changes.
- Mental Health Link: About 90% of people who die by suicide have an underlying mental health condition, such as depression, bipolar disorder, or substance use issues.
- Prevention Action: Asking someone directly about their intentions and getting professional help is crucial.
http://www.boisestate.edu/student-life/top-10-facts-research-tells-us-about-suicide-prevention
I’ve always struggled with deppression for as long as I can remember. My mother, unborn brother and grandfather were murdered when I was 6 mo old; so I never got to even meet my mother. Its really hard to describe that pain but its as deep of a cut as you can endure; one that cuts you to the very core of your being and will never really fully heal no matter how much you try. You can pray, go to therapy, meditate, and I do all those things, and yet the void left by her abscence is there and is felt every day. That loss is felt every day. I wish I could have gotten to know her, feel her love, her warm embrace and hear her voice but I didn’t get that opportunity. It was stolen from me.
Being adopted is hard. You never really feel like the other kids if your adopted parents have their own kids. You feel different, out of place, like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit with the rest of the puzzle. Oh they try to assure you you aren’t different but you just…feel it and that feeling early on in life can translate to how you view the world. You feel like you don’t fit in. You feel like you aren’t really the same as others. It can lead to a life-time of feeling different, strange, seperate from groups, cliques, etc.
So me and my adopted parents didn’t get a long leading to conflict and eventually me being sent to a boys home where I was molested and beaten, made to do hard labor then to a boarding school in Missouri where I was quite literally used as a child slave, beaten, and watched other kids be beaten, molested, some even raped. These memories are seared into my brain and will never faid away. My nightmares remind me of these places and horrible experiences and have for over 23 years.
Normal kids got to go to high school, learn to drive, have their first crush, dance at that prom. I got trafficked into a terrible system we call the Troubled Teen Industry where my parents tried to punish away my mental health issues (childhood PTSD and MDD). That obviously didn’t work and made my depression a million times worse. Its hard to describe just how much damage this did because while most teens were forming relationships with other teens and learning to navigate the world I wasn’t allowed to even talk to my piers. I wasn’t allowed to form friendships let alone have a romantic partner. I wasn’t allowed to go outside without supervision let alone drive a car or work my first paid job and earn my own money. I came out of that experience with no idea how to balance a checkbook, drive, relate to others, etc. I came out of that place with severe injuries to my spine causing me sciatica and eventually causing me to have to have two low back surgeries. I suffer in chronic spine and sciatic pain daily.
The world was a scary place and still is to me in many ways. This lack of preparedness led to a lot of heartbreak and dumb decisions in my early 20’s and even 30’s; decisions I don’t think I would have made had I been allowed to grow up in a “normal environment” as a teen, make mistakes, and learn from them early when the consequences weren’t as severe or when most people would have family to wrap around them and support them and teach them in a loving manner. Instead when I made mistakes the consequences were more severe, there was no family to catch me when I fell which has led me to make 3 serious attempts to end my life.
I had a son with a woman that cheated on me twice and ran off with him. I worked myself to death in college until I broke down and started having serious anxiety issues. I got into many bad and abusive relationships because all I had known was abuse; I didn’t know what real love looked and felt like. I’ve experienced DV, financial abuse, being estranged from my son, lost my neighbor to a heart issue recently (was a great guy and friend), lost a friend to drinking and driving and he was on his way to my house, have lost 6 friends to suicide and drug overdoses over the years, been homeless, had times where I didn’t know where or when Id get my next meal but without making this blog about depression all about me and my personal depression I’ll just say that these things stick with you and add to the overall depression you feel.
I have been diagnosed with MDD or Major Depressive Dissorder. My diagnosis is life-long. Some people recover from this disorder, some, like myself, have suffered enough where we are not expected to ever fully recover from it.
So what is MDD? Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), or clinical depression, is a common, serious mood disorder characterized by at least two weeks of persistent, low mood, loss of interest (anhedonia), and low energy, significantly affecting daily life. It is treatable through medication, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes, often caused by a mix of genetics, biology, and environment.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24481-clinical-depression-major-depressive-disorder
Key Symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder
A diagnosis requires experiencing five or more of the following symptoms almost daily for at least two weeks:
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/major-depression
- Persistent Sadness: Lasting sad, “empty,” or anxious mood.
- Anhedonia: Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities.
- Fatigue: Reduced energy, exhaustion, or feeling “slowed down”.
- Sleep Disturbances: Insomnia or sleeping too much.
- Cognitive Issues: Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering.
- Appetite/Weight Changes: Significant weight loss or gain.
- Worthlessness: Feelings of guilt, helplessness, or self-hate.
- Psychomotor Changes: Restlessness or slowed movement/speech.
- Suicidal Thoughts: Recurring thoughts of death or suicide.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24481-clinical-depression-major-depressive-disorder
Causes and Risk Factors
MDD is complex and often stems from a combination of factors, according to the Mayo Clinic and the J&J withMe website:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007
- Biological Chemistry: Differences in neurotransmitters and brain function.
- Genetics: Family history increases risk by 2-4 times.
- Environmental Factors: Trauma, chronic stress, or major life changes.
- Medical Conditions: Chronic illness, pain, or injury.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder
Diagnosis and Types
- Diagnosis: Doctors or mental health professionals use criteria from the DSM-5, relying on clinical interviews and reported symptoms.
- Types/Specifiers: While officially categorized as MDD, variations include recurrent depression (multiple episodes), melancholic, atypical, or psychotic depression.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder
Treatment Approaches
- Medication: Antidepressants (e.g., SSRIs, SNRIs) to balance brain chemistry.
- Psychotherapy: Talk therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
- Lifestyle Changes: Regular exercise, healthy diet, and improved sleep hygiene.
- Brain Stimulation Therapies: For severe cases that do not respond to medication.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder
Some more resources about depression:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559078/
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/major-depression
Find a therapist that can help you with your depression today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
NOTICE: If you are feeling suicidal or know someone who is struggling you can reach out to the national suicide prevention line by dialing 988 or seek help from liscenced local mental health councelor and/or psychiatrist. I am not a liscenced thereapist and this information isn’t meant to replace regular therapy, professional help, and medication that can be life saving. Its simply meant to give you basic information on depression MDD and the signs and symptonst that can help you recogonize when depression is becoming dangerous and or you might have a mental health disorder like MDD related to depression.
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