Brett Harper

When I was six months old my father murdered my mother and grandfather. Its something that has forever changed me. The trauma will never fully go away. Even with all the therapy, medication, and healing this world can provide. My mom’s death is a void inside me that will never truly fully ever be filled.

I spent a lot of my early years wondering what life would be like if I had gotten to know my mom instead. If I had been allowed to grow up with her instead of my abusive adopted parents would that have even made any difference? Would I have been safer and would things have been different with her?

I spent much of it incredibly angry at him for taking her from me and denying me the chance to meet her and get to know her and feel the love she had for me.  I spent it hating him wishing he would die even sometimes fantasizing about how I might kill him to avenge her murder. To avenge her death. 

But that all stopped the day I chose to forgive him. That all stopped when I decided as Christ forgives us of our sins we must also forgive others. One day I woke up in the middle of the night with a premonition. A little voice seemed to whisper to me “check your spam inbox on Facebook”. So I did and in it was a message from a person claiming to be able to put me in touch with my bio dads side of the family, whom I’d never met before. I accepted the opportunity to speak to my grandma Polly who is now deceased. May she RIP.

What transpired after that was somewhat of a miracle. My grandmother had me do a DNA test to make sure I was indeed the son of Mike Haynes and it came back positive that I was. I was asked if I wanted to speak to Mike and I accepted the opportunity to speak with him by phone.

So many questions raced through my mind that day. I’ll never forget it. I was so angry yet so relieved to maybe finally get some answers to questions that had been burning inside my brain my entire life. 

During this initial call Mike cried for much of it. From what I could tell it appeared to me to a genuine show of remorse too. It took me by surprise to be honest. I didn’t think this killer, hardened by prison, who had killed both my mom and grandfather to have genuine remorse let alone be able to display it so well over the phone. The whole thing really shook me to the core. 

Its now been many years since I first talked to Mike Haynes and he vehemently apologized for what he had done and honestly the man has been super supportive and has been there for me more than my adopted parents ever were. He listens and he tells me he loves me and I can tell he means it. He doesn’t beat down on me with his fists or words. He doesn’t judge my every move. He kindly and gently supports me and talks to me but also respects I need my space sometimes.

So I came to forgive Mike for his crimes. I let go of my hatred for him. I decided that as Christ has forgiven us for our sins I must too now forgive this man.

I can tell you that forgiving him was like a huge weight being lifted off my chest and shoulders. Letting go of the hate made me feel better. I often tell people I didn’t forgive Mike for his sake but for my own and that’s very true. I needed to breath and let go of all the hatred and anger.

Soon he will go before the parole board and I will testify that for many years this man has been nothing but supportive and remorseful. He respects me and my boundaries. He appears to have been forever changed and that I am not against his release . That in fact perhaps Im for it.

If you are struggling to forgive someone I highly recommend you do it if not for them for you, yourself and your own benefit. Do it because Jesus forgive us and commanded we also forgive or just to let go of that anger, that hatred burning you up inside. Forgive. You don’t have to forget. You don’t have to allow them back into your life or to rule over it or trample your boundaries but forgive. Move past that anger and frustration and I promise you will feel better, lighter, happier and healthier.