Brett Harper

75% of all suicides are male

86% of parents with custody of their children are mothers/women. So men are being removed from their own families and losing access to their children. 2/3 of all estranged parents seriously consider suicide. This means estranged dads are at the greatest risk of suicide of any group.

75% of teachers and 75% of councilors are women, making it harder for men to seek help and feel understood.

Men spend on average 3x as long in prison and jail for the same crimes as women according to the Bureau of Prisons (BOP). 88% of juveniles locked up are boys and 93% of prisoners are men.

75% of all homeless are male. Most shelter beds are for women and children. There are few if any battered men’s shelters for men fleeing domestic violence.

Despite what most people believe the world is not built in such a way that men and boys don’t struggle or experience inequality. We do. The difference is that society doesn’t seem to care much about suffering boys and men and often mocks our pain or uses victim blaming and shaming to avoid having to reflect on how society treats men and boys. This cold, unempathetic approach has only served to worsen the problem and make boys and men feel unheard, unloved, unwanted. I encourage you to look at the facts and look up information for yourself instead of just listening to the popular narrative that says that for men the world is their oyster.

Boys and men deserve to be heard and have their concerns addressed. They deserve equality under the law and in society just as much as girls and women do. They deserve equal resources, support, and media attention. In fact equality that is not equality for all is not equality at all.

So now that we have proven that our boys and men are in a serious crisis and now that it is evident we MUST do more to help them climb out of the pit of loneliness and despair, how do we do that?

Well men it starts with us. We need to uplift our brothers. We need to lift up our fellow men. When you see someone stumbling pick him up. I used to be a punk rocker. When someone would fall in the mosh pit what were you suppose to do? PICK THEM UP. Help them get back up and if they are injured help them exit the pit. That is what we must do for our fellow man. We must not kick them while they are down, take advantage of them while they are struggling, use it as an opportunity to get ahead ourselves NO! We must stop and help lift them up.

Men, we must speak up about the lack of shelter beds for men in homeless shelters. We must petition our government for more battered men’s shelters. For more domestic violence grants to be awarded to men fleeing violence in their relationships. We must do more to help men struggling with drug addiction and mental health issues. We must advocate for more male teachers and counselors, we do this by writing our representatives. Calling for this online on social media so that we raise awareness to these issues, and by volunteering ourselves to stand in the gap whenever possible.

I saw a few articles recently saying that the male loneliness epidemic isn’t women’s problem. They victim blame and shame men for this epidemic instead of providing solutions to help these boys and men who are suffering. Cold, unempathetic, uncaring language is used to demonize men and make it sound like “well maybe they deserve it”. I’m going to tell you something that kind of hate, misandry, that sexism is vile and toxic. If you feel that way or speak that way you need to get yourself into therapy and/or church and get your mind right because hate is a bitter poison you take while hoping the person you hate dies. It will harm you more than anything else.

Ladies you do have a roll in helping with this male loneliness epidemic. That isn’t to say it is entirely the fault of women that men are feeling this way or cast blame on women, but we live in a society and we are all connected. What you do and say matters and it effects others. Be kind. Be gentle. Be empathetic. Just as we can call for more shelter beds for men and battered men’s shelters you can too! Just as we can call for more support for male mental health you can too! Just as we can call for equal rights for mothers and fathers so that less good men are estranged from their children you can too! Many of us men call for and advocate for your rights to have an abortion. Many men stuck their necks out in the past to make sure women can vote. We stand with you. You can stand with us. You should stand with us. Do you want better men? Less broken men? Less abusive and angry men? Help us help them heal. Help us help them feel heard, wanted loved, accepted. This is the path towards helping men out of the wilderness of loneliness.

We ALL have to lift up the struggling, the hurting, the homeless, the mentally ill, the lonely, those struggling with suicidality. The numbers show we are failing boys and men. Lets get to work. Put aside the fact you may have been abused by a man in the past. Not all men are that man. Put aside the fact that you have been failed by a man in the past. Not all men will fail you. Put aside these ideas that life is automatically easy for men. I can tell you it isn’t. Lead with love, with compassion, with empathy, and lift up the boys and men in your life that are struggling.

Don’t try to change them into what you think men should be either. Accept them for who they are. Meet them where they are. It isn’t your job to shape their masculinity. It isn’t your job to make them more like women. They are boys and men not girls and women. Learn to listen to them and accept them for who they truly are and love them for who they truly are. Then men will feel accepted, scene, heard, and can begin to heal, not before.